Suspicions
by The Dark Enchantress Ruhi
Summary: He hopes more than anything that the traitor who keeps on feeding the other side information is not him but Sirius cannot be blamed for being suspicious. Suspicions don't mean truth, but they mean enough. Part 17 of the Harry Potter One Shots Series.


_**Written for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition Season 7**_

**Game : Game Four—Don't Take Things Out Of Context!**

**Team : Puddlemere United**

**Position : Chaser #3**

**Chasing : "This is a peculiar theme." -Spy**

**Quaffle : 10. [Word] Aromatic**

**8\. [Object] Pendant**

**9\. [Action] Hiding**

**Word Count : 1540**

* * *

Sirius stares at the dull, drab walls of his—their apartment for a long time before he takes a swig from the bottle of Ogden's Finest, in his hand and turns towards James, who is sitting beside him telling him about his month old son's antics, barely listening to him rant.

His mind wanders more towards Remus than it is listening to James. Remus, who will be coming back tomorrow from his post undercover to convince the other werewolves to join hands with the light. Just in time for the Marauders Anniversary. Nine years since the day they had become friends. Best of friends. They used to trust each other with their lives, but now… He doesn't know if he could do so anymore. He hopes more than anything that the traitor who keeps on feeding the other side information is not him but Sirius cannot be blamed for being suspicious. It has been weeks, _months, _since anyone had heard from Remus before this morning, but every time for the past five months, there have been attacks mere days after he has been contacted. Sirius would give anything and everything to let himself believe that it's just Moony—his friend, his confidant, his _love_—but this is war, and they cannot afford to be delusional.

James is now quiet and sits nursing a cup of hot coffee even in the dead of the night—the aroma of which has him more sober than he'd like—in preparation for a moving assignment—the McKinnons are on Lord Voldemort's radar nowadays—and a small part of Sirius wonders if he'll be back tomorrow. His throat feels dry all of a sudden at that thought. Not for the first time, Sirius wonders if Remus would really ever betray the order—if he would ever betray the _Marauders_—and again, he doesn't have an answer.

His attention shifts back to James, who gets up and holds out his hand. Sirius clasps it in his own, and they stand like that for a few moments, both looking at each other while a flurry of emotions pass between them. James knows, of course—he's the only person he has told about his doubts—but he doesn't doubt Remus for a second, even when Sirius points out the correspondence of the attacks with Remus' calls. If he were to look closely he'd see a little disappointment in James' eyes, but it's also so much easier for him. It's so much easier for him to trust people, because his childhood was spent happily, with people who loved and trusted him. It's harder for Sirius himself, because for him sneaking off to house elves and asking if his dinner is poisoned is second nature to him now.

Sirius turns his eyes towards their joined hands and sighs. Voldemort is after Harry too, and Neville. There had been talk of a fidelius charm for the two families in the last order meeting, and James had asked him to be the secret keeper if it came to that. But he hadn't started thinking of Remus as a traitor back then, and if he is … and if he is, Sirius cannot keep for him. Remus isn't someone he can hide things from for a long time. It will take a lot of convincing to ask James to change secret keepers. Suspicion doesn't mean truth, but it means enough.

James withdraws his hand first, looking at the watch on his wrist, and tucks his wand in his sleeve. He gives Sirius a look before beginning to stride over to the foyer.

"When I come back to your apartment tomorrow, Sirius, I'll find Moony here, sitting in a Unicorn themed room or something, eating a bar of chocolate and fawning over a picture of Harry, okay?" His sentence is punctuated with a smile and a light punch to his arm.

Sirius says nothing, only swallows as he watches James slip out of the door and shut it behind him, and then goes back to his bottle of firewhiskey. James wants him to plan a themed party like they used to before, in the celebration of the Marauders Anniversary, to distract him probably, although it's also possibly because the lack of one would surprise Remus, but at this point he doesn't really care, even if it would be more prudent to hide the fact that something between them is not okay.

* * *

Remus doesn't come in until later in the day with the rest of the Order, but Sirius worries through the morning, wondering if his coldness was right, if he should still put something together and, of course, if Remus really is the traitor. He doesn't change things, though, only lies in wait. He gets a message from James telling him he's okay, and that he'll be spending his morning with Lily and Harry in one of the most secure Order houses, and that he and the members will start trickling in a few hours later.

It is after lunch that Remus finally does appear, along with Dumbledore, and his face brightens when he sees Sirius. It's a struggle trying to keep to his senses, to not just stay there locked in his embrace forever, to not shake him thoroughly and ask him the truth, but they pull away finally and make their way towards the living room, where the meeting is already in progress, Dumbledore opting to remain in front of the two and Sirius slowly bringing the rear, trying to delay his entry into the living room as much as possible to avoid seeing the look on Remus' face. It is a moment before Remus notices, before he sees the plain, drab walls, before he sees the nervousness on Sirius' face, and his smile fades slightly.

"Well … this is a …" he pauses. "This is a peculiar theme."

He looks curiously at Sirius as the latter shrugs and mutters something about the order being their top priority at that moment and looks away, avoiding both his and James' gaze, which pierces through his skull even as the meeting progresses. He finds more looks being directed towards him by James, telling him to lay off, as if there aren't enough Order members who do not trust Remus for being himself, and Sirius feels like the biggest jerk on the planet. Once again he finds himself being unable to concentrate on anything other than the man sitting next to him, and it is driving him _mad._ There is a limit to his suffering, he decides, and he _needs to know, _needs to know if it's true, although how he'll do it he has no idea. He cannot let Remus know that he doubts him, for any reason, and even as he tells himself that this is because the Order's plans might be sabotaged, he knows it's not true.

* * *

He lies staring at the gold pendant in his hand later that night, wondering what to do with it as he runs his fingers around the edge of the waxing moon he had gotten last year for Remus but hadn't gotten the chance to give him—to back further the fact that the moon gets weak too, that the moon doesn't control Remus' life, _he _himself does—until the man in question comes lies beside him himself and stares at the stars. He smells heavenly, Sirius cannot help but notice, a perfect blend of coffee, sugar and chocolate, and his aroma reminds him of when they were still in Hogwarts, when they were each others most trusted confidants, and he wonders in his haze if he should just ask him.

His arms around him take him by surprise, however, and shake him a little out of his reverie and for the first time since he had been in his presence that day, Sirius looks at him, truly looks at him—at the new scars he has, at how thin he's gotten, at how tired looks and how relieved. He breathes out slowly and relaxes, letting him curl around him, and wonders what to say. He finds himself unable to think of anything, partly because he's still wondering if he should say half the things he needs to, and partly because they've always had a language of their own in which they've never really had to spell things out, and if feels too late to start now. But he should know, should he not? _Know what? If one of the closest people to the main target of Voldemort is working for him? _A voice calls out from inside his head, and he sighs as he stares at the star he was named after.

"Remus," he mutters, hoping it's low enough that he doesn't hear, but there is stirring next to him, and the reply that comes back is sleepy.

"Yeah?"

"Rem … Moony, I …" Sirius stops as his heart hammers away in his chest, almost certain it's going to hammer out of his chest. He swallows, and wonders for a moment what is likely to happen if he does to ask this question—they won't just go back to being what they were after an accusation this serious—then sighs again. Remus cracks an eye open.

"I…" Sirius tries again, then breathes very lightly "I brought you this pendant."


End file.
